Introduction
When I imagined postpartum, I thought it would be a mix of exhaustion, late nights, and baby snuggles. I expected a slow but steady return to normalcy. What I didn’t expect was the raw, unfiltered reality. There was physical pain and my emotions were all over the place. I felt lonely, and there was an overwhelming shift in my identity in becoming a new mom.
Postpartum is often portrayed as a time of blissful bonding. The truth is, it can also be one of the hardest experiences in a woman’s life. It can be very isolating. I wish more women talked about the things I struggled with—so I’m here to do just that. If you’re a new mom feeling like no one prepared you for this, you’re not alone.
1. The Physical Recovery is More Intense Than Expected
No matter how you gave birth, your body just did something incredible—and it’s going to take time to heal. But here’s what no one warned me about:
- Postpartum bleeding (lochia) lasts weeks, not days. It’s like having the heaviest period of your life for up to six weeks (or more). And yes you still bleed even if you have a C-Section. Make sure you stock up on XL pads or adult diapers, you won’t regret it.
- If you had a vaginal birth, everything feels… different. I cannot speak from personal experience but from talking to other mothers the stitches, swelling, and soreness make even sitting on the toilet an event. (Pro tip: Get a peri bottle and stool softeners. Trust me.)
- C-section recovery isn’t “the easy way out.” It’s major surgery, they cut through 7 layers of tissue and those first few weeks of recovery you’ll feel it every time you try to get out of bed. Personally, for me, recovery took about 6-8 weeks. Every time you move you feel the pain and you practically have to teach your body how to use your abdominal muscles again.
- Night sweats are real. Waking up drenched in sweat, even in a cool room, is completely normal thanks to hormonal shifts.
- Not all women’s bodies just “bounce back.” There’s a weird in-between stage where you don’t feel like your old self, but you also don’t recognize your reflection. I wasn’t mentally prepared for this and it did affect me more than I thought it would. And that’s okay.
2. Breastfeeding is Not Always “Natural” or Easy
I thought breastfeeding would just happen—after all, it’s what our bodies are made for, right? My baby didn’t latch right away and honestly, a lot of moms experience this. Here’s the reality:
- It can be excruciating at first. Cracked nipples, engorgement, and the struggle to get a good latch can be stressful
- Some moms don’t produce enough milk, while others produce too much. Either way, the pressure to produce enough milk to feed your baby is real.
- Pumping is a full-time job. No one prepared me for the constant cycle of pumping, washing parts, and storing milk. When you’re not with your baby, you’re attached to a pump and it can get exhausting – mentally and physically.
- Breastfeeding struggles can make you feel like a failure. But whether you breastfeed, formula-feed, or do both—fed is best.
- The pressure from others can be overwhelming. Some women love to push breastfeeding on new moms, making it seem like the only “right” choice. But the truth is, breastfeeding works for some and doesn’t for others—and that’s okay. You are still an amazing mom, no matter how you feed your baby.
3. The Mental & Emotional Rollercoaster
Everyone talks about the baby blues, but postpartum emotions go way beyond just feeling a little sad.
- Postpartum depression and anxiety are more common than you think. And they don’t always look like sadness—they can show up as rage, detachment, or constant irrational fear. Postpartum anxiety hit me super hard. I would worry that if I turned my back someone was going to steal my baby. Or if I closed my eyes and took a little nap, my baby would stop breathing.
- You might feel completely alone, even when surrounded by people. The world keeps moving, but your life has just changed forever.
- You may grieve your old self. Motherhood is beautiful, but it also means letting go of the person you used to be—and that’s hard.
- Mom guilt kicks in early. No matter what you do, there will be moments when you feel like you’re not doing enough.
If any of this resonates with you, please know you’re not failing—you’re human.
4. Sleep Deprivation Hits Differently
I thought I knew what tired felt like before having a baby. I was wrong.
- Waking up every 1-2 hours for weeks takes a toll on your body and mind.
- “Sleep when the baby sleeps” is a joke. Dishes pile up, laundry never ends, and sometimes you just want five minutes to scroll your phone in peace.
- Lack of sleep makes everything harder. Your patience wears thin, your emotions run high, and simple tasks feel impossible.
- Accepting help is a necessity, not a weakness. Don’t feel weak for letting your partner play their role, they are a parent too! Give yourself a break and take some time for yourself. They need to bond with the baby just as much as you.
5. Postpartum Can Cause Shifts in Your Relationships
- Your marriage may feel different. Between sleepless nights, hormone shifts, and the overwhelming responsibility of keeping a tiny human alive, intimacy often takes a backseat. Over time, things will go back to normal. However, in the beginning phases of bringing home a new baby, life will be different.
- Friendships shift—some for the better, some fade away. You may feel disconnected from friends who don’t have kids or closer to those who do.
- The mental load of motherhood is heavy. Your partner may be supportive. Nonetheless, the unspoken responsibility of managing baby schedules often falls on moms. Doctor appointments and household tasks also typically become their duties. Learning how to communicate this is important so you don’t burn yourself out.
It takes work to navigate these changes, but you’re not alone in feeling them.
Conclusion
Postpartum is raw, messy, and emotional—but you are not alone.
You’re not failing if you’re struggling. You’re not weak if you cry in the shower. You’re not alone if you feel like no one truly understands.
What I wish I had known is that it’s okay to ask for help. It’s okay to admit that postpartum is hard. And most importantly—it gets better.
But even through all the challenges, being a mom is one of the most incredible experiences of my life. The love I have for my baby is beyond anything I ever imagined. Despite everything, I would go through it all 10 times over just to have them in my arms.
If you’re in the thick of it, take a deep breath. You are doing an incredible job.
Mamas, what was your biggest postpartum shock? Let’s talk in the comments.
